i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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