Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
