dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
