So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
