i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
