I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
