I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
