she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
