***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
