You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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