i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
