Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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