she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize