just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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