if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
