dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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