when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
