I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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