I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
