We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
