I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
