guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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