I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
