You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
