why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
