He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
