Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I skipped work to stalk him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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