we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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