booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
