everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
