For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
