Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
