you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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