I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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