Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
