im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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