Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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