She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
