I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize