I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
