Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's shark week go big or go home
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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