Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
