This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
