Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
