A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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