the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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