Just cropdusted the office
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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