Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
