Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize