he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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