I hate your face
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
