the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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