whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
