this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
