dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
