That's intense
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
