you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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