This is not my ceiling
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
