Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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