I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
