i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
