Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
