try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
