he thought i was a dude.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
