i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
