Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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