can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
