***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
