Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
