well I can't set my house on fire every night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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