And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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