So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
