She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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