i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
