Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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