ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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