I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
