My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
