I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
