Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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