If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
