the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize