if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
