K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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