so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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