My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That accounts for only three of the penises
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
