My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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