This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
