Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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