We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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