When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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