New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
