airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
