Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize