Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
